Thursday, August 15, 2013

What do you see when you look in the mirror?




There has been an interesting revelation for me the past week or so, I thought I would share it here...

Since I started this new way of "mindful eating" I've noticed that I'm starting to see myself a little differently.  Normally I don't like to look at myself in the mirror.  I may feel I look good when I leave my house in the morning, yet I often catch a glimpse of myself in a store window, or somewhere throughout the day, and all I see are my flaws.  I hate that.  When I work out, my trainer constantly has to remind me to look in the mirror and watch my form.....I basically avoid mirrors.

This started with a picture that I found recently of myself in a bathing suit, on the beach.  I was 135-140 lbs, wearing a 2 piece, and fairly happy with my body.  In the picture, I'm next to a friend, who I always viewed as much smaller than myself.  Looking at that picture today, I realize that we are the same size....I realize that all that time back then, I thought I was so big, and I wasn't. 

This weekend I was out of town at a family wedding.  There were a couple of times that I got dressed, looked in the mirror, and saw a thinner person there than I normally envision.  This was especially so when I had my dress on, ready to go.  I felt like I looked good, and I was happy. That RARELY happens to me.  I don't have any pics of me from the day of the wedding, I didn't have anyone take any of me, except one huge family pic where I grabbed a small child to stand in front of me (one of my tricks for having my pic taken....it hides the belly).  I guess maybe I didn't want a picture of me in that dress, because what if the picture didn't reflect what I saw in the mirror?  I didn't want anything to take away the good feeling I had of myself.

The day after the wedding I put on a top that I had just bought, and AGAIN, I felt good about myself.  It was a very good, but foreign feeling.  I haven't really lost any weight, so why do I suddenly have this change in my attitude?  I wonder if it has to do with my new approach to my weight, and my body.  My thinking is shifting, and so is my perception of myself.

I had my brother photograph me that day, this is the picture.  When I look at the picture, compared to what I saw in the mirror that day, I'm probably a bit more critical, but I'm OK with it.  I'm learning that I don't want to avoid the camera anymore, I don't want to avoid mirrors anymore.  I want to be easier and more gentle on myself, and remember this is a process, and I'm changing....



 

2 comments:

Loveandcrayons said...

I LOVE this post!! It's crazy to look back at old pictures when we think we had so many flaws, and just wish we were that size again! It really beats down our confidence! But I really LOVE your outlook!! And you look fantastic! You have a gorgeous smile in the photo! I hope you start looking in the mirror and realizing how beautiful you are!!

Danielle K said...

It's definitely so crazy how we see one thing, but the world sees something different - we are our own worst critics! You're looking good :)